Testing.... RABBIT TALES

The Wonderful Things We’ve Done in 2008


Dear Family, Friends, Loved Ones, Acquaintances, Neighbors, Strangers, Enemies, and People We Really Don’t Like Yet Still Send Christmas Cards To,

Seasons Greetings! Happy Holidays! Happy Hanukkah! Happy New Years! And most importantly…HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Oh wait, I mean MERRY Christmas!

What a year this has been. What a year. Strangely, I’m having problems remembering what actually occurred over the past twelve months… but I think that’s just old age setting in early, as I am sure this year was in fact spectacular.

Let me begin at the beginning, the place where most things truly begin. January 1st, 2008. I don’t really recall what happened that day, but it was the day that our year began, making it an important day. That day was the prelude to all of the magnificent things that transpired around the Jensen family in 2008. In this letter I am going to compile a witty, non-bragging, heartwarming letter for your perusal, based on the wonderful things we’ve done in 2008. Word by word, line by line, person by person, I am going to prove to all that we are truly the best, most valiant, brave, long-suffering, happy, sad, and overall extraordinary family you can come across anywhere in the world (except maybe the Eskimos in the Arctic because they are supposed to be pretty cool. I wouldn’t know though, as I’ve never been there. Too cold for my tastes.)

This year was a busy year for Bill Jensen Sr. Life can be pretty challenging when you have four amazing children, a beautiful wife, a cuddly dog, and four fluffy cats.
Bill started his new job and is loving all the money. The influx in cash this year is truly amazing. We are considering selling the house to buy a boat and sail around the world. Bill proudly attended every one of Raph’s football games this year and filmed each one. He even went to the awards night where he received honors for his filming skills and commitment to the team. Plans for Bill to assume position as coach next year are underway. Just as long as he pays attention to what is going on during the game and is able to answer questions from reporters we think he will do a great job.

Katie has had a real good year as well. She got to use her degree and talents at a fine art gallery where she was the designer until the economy gave the gallery a slap in the batoot-toot. Since the incident (where we no longer refer to the gallery as Peabody, but instead have dubbed it Poobody), she has been keeping busy with her design work, volunteering for the church, and needy causes (Adam’s Christmas card). She has enjoyed having a bit of time off to create a home and food for her children and husband like a good wife. Katie has found a new love in listening to audio books while walking the streets of Los Altos. She is staunch Team Jacob member.

In April, Billy returned home from his stay in LA. We missed him a lot, and dad is really enjoying having someone else home whom he can give job applications to! He is currently working at a tech company where he enjoys a leisurely schedule and a good paycheck. His boss, Bonnie, is a wonderful woman who lets Billy have as many computers as he wants. This is the kind of job he has always dreamed of. Who could say no to eight computers and monitors of for one person? Just think of all the wires!!! Billy has also upgraded his WoW Bluebird, Shakira (named after Shakira), to a super high level. Yesterday he learned how to fly through a forest, or city, or something like that. It was very exciting.

Rosie, on the other hand is a person we all need to pray for. While her year has been really great, just like everyone else in our family, because we are all incredible people, she has a serious problem, which I will describe in detail in a moment. First let me say Rosie has been slaving away working full time. She has saved 10 thousand dollars for her wedding. That money, however, is scheduled to make a quick pit stop to slim down at a Gym known as dad’s bank account. Her wedding is on course for the summer of 2017. We are all very excited to begin planning. On a more serious note, Rosie has been having horrible visions every night. We are not sure if it is because she is some sort of prophet, or if the room is haunted, but either way, a man in black visits her every night and often times tries to kill Gabby. Rosie, the wonderfully brave individual that she is, risks her own life every night to rescue her cherished sister. Last week she saw a mustached man strangling poor darling Gabby, and Rosie, the brave brave woman, pounced on him while he was on top of Gabby and forcibly attempted to release his hold on the sleeping girl. It turns out that he had already gotten away and she was in fact attacking Gabby. Nonetheless we are all so happy someone is the room to wake Gabby up every night when the man arrives. Who knows what he would do if she did not start shrieking at him.

Gabby is back in school after her yearlong sabbatical. She is currently living in a wonderful cozy little college house (aka Paradise) with one of her closest high school friends and a whole group of wonderful girls (and boys). The house is amazing, especially in the way that all of the people work together to clean and cook with each other. They are a really great group of people. Gabby is extremely excited to be traveling abroad next semester. Mom ordered enough medication for her to be exceptionally happy throughout the entire trip. She will most likely be checking into a rehab facility immediately upon her return to the states. Gabby will be staying in England for 3 months and will have to learn English before she goes. She is hoping to marry a prince or duke whilst traveling. There is the possibility that she will not be coming back if this is the case. We wish her luck in all of her future endeavors and hope that if she does not come back, we can continue getting a steady supply of Vicodin and narcotics from her neurologist.

Little Raphy has had a wonderful year as well. Raph got a C in Physics and dad gave him a high five (no D’s? sweet!). Father is very proud that he was one of 3 seniors at Saint Francis who made first team all league (this means he was basically the best guy on the team, which was already obvious). Raph is in a relationship with Allywishous. She is very sweet. Raph is also considering changing his name to Earl Elmer. This way no one will call him Ralph anymore, and as a nickname we can call him Elmer Fud. If all goes according to plan, Raph will be attending the University of Organ, in Oregon. It is a great school that specializes in organ donations. We are all very excited for him. He is planning on setting up extensive video conferencing in his new dorm room and classrooms, so we can all still do his homework for him while he is away.

Kevin has been working tirelessly pursuing his degree in Civil Engineering all the while maintaining a busy work schedule at Apple. He is also studying his first year in the RCIA program and, if he doesn’t miss any more classes, will be welcomed into our Church next Easter (2010). He is very proud to call himself a Caterpillar Human (Caterhuman for short). Sister Rochene has become a wonderful mentor for him. He especially loves her very short homilies. Rosie made him a good deed jar this advent and it currently presides with 2 good deeds in it. Not to worry we still have 5 days.

Pippin returned to life, miracle style, on Rosie’s birthday. It was truly amazing.

Hurbs has been dealing with his allergies in a heroic fashion. He hardly runs when we get out the eardrops and he tries not to wake us up every night. He needs to work on his pee schedule a little as her prefers to wait to be let out until the moment when I snuggle in my bed for sleep. He is also putting in a valiant effort not to eat children- he truly is a tough little hero!

Through all of this wonderfulness, we did get a bit lazy this year where the Christmas Tree is concerned. No one wanted to get it because it has been inordinately cold lately and we were afraid of getting frostbite. Finally we broke down and picked out the perfect tree… yet underestimated our finances, which resulted in paying for the tree with Mom’s homeless quarter bombs. Little did she know when she wrapped them up with love, prayers, and care, that it would be her own chillins’ who would eagerly unravel them in hopes of buying a tree for Christmas.

Overall, this year really has been great. We are all happy and looking forward to our Christmas gifts this year (Billy came up with an ingenious $6 plan! $1 for a shirt, $0.50 for socks, $2 for pants, $2 for shoes, and $0.50 for a candy bar!! We applaud his ingenuity and frugality!) Our pool even has Merry Christmas/Hairy Christmas written into the algae! We are truly blessed people.

I hope this letter finds all of you well, even though I’m sure you are not doing as good as us. But try not to be jealous; it’s really not our fault that God loves us more than everyone else in the world!

LOVE and KISSES,

THE JENSENS