see more Epic Fails
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Christmas Has Gone to the Dogs: A Letter From the Desk of Mr. Burbs and Ms. Bailey
Dear Humans,
As we’re sure many of you are aware (or at least we hope you are aware because if you are not, then there is most likely something seriously wrong with your head...) Christmas time is here. Yes, it is time for happiness and cheer, and oh, by gosh, by golly it's time for mistletoe and holly, tasty pheasants, Christmas presents, and countrysides covered with snow. Yes it is most definitely that time of year once again.
While tasty pheasants and countrysides covered with snow may not be something you have hopes of encountering this Christmas, we would like to make you on offer that just may soothe those pangs of sadness you are sure to be experiencing due to the before mentioned lack of tasty pheasant and snow to enjoy right this second. Presents. Move over baby Jesus, we all know Christmas is not about you anymore. It’s all about the presents. There is actually a motion to change the name of Christmas to Presentmas, that way people can truly understand what they are celebrating each year. But we digress. In keeping with the holiday spirit, it is customary to give gifts to people in your life. Yes, we know what you are thinking. For a holiday called Presentmas, why do I have to give gifts? Shouldn’t I simply sit back and graciously accept all the wonderful presents I am offered that I ever so deserve?! Yes, dear reader, we understand your pain, but it is a pain that is sadly unavoidable. We have been trying for years to find a way to receive gifts without actually having to give any so we can truly celebrate the day the way it is meant to be celebrated, but alas, it is not possible. Somehow, people have come to the conclusion that in order to receive presents one must give presents. We say bah humbug! to that. It pains us to admit, but this is the only way. We must swallow our grinchy pride. As we so dearly wish to receive many a bright colored package this year, we must give out many a gift in return.
This brings us to the reason for our longwinded message. What would you like for Christmas? We would say Presentmas as it so rightly deserves to be called, but we have surmised that the way to receive maximum amounts of presents is to be as politically correct as possible, that way, people from all realms of society, even the ones who (gasp) do not celebrate Presentmas, will give us giftys. Therefore, with as much joy and love as we can manage to pretend to have without passing out from the effort of appearing oh so kind and generous and not at all our natural green grinchy selves, what would you like to receive under your holiday tree on one December 25th 2009? If someone were to sing to you, on the twelfth day of the holiday season, some person gave to meeee: (what would you put here?). For example, one might say: Bring us a figgy pudding and bring it right now or it’s Christmas and I want everything. But if you could be specific, as in leaning more towards the figgy pudding than everything, we would greatly appreciate it.
Alright dear friend, this seems to be all we have to say at the moment. We do hope this letter of joy finds you well. We have been working hard all day to make your holidays more enjoyable. Yes, after waking up at twelve, we lounged around and thought about what you wanted for Christmas/Presentmas/Grinchmas before it became too much for our fragile minds to handle. Now we are currently napping and writing this letter to you. We are multi-taskers, yes we are!
With Lots of Licks,
Your Own Personal Grinchy Monsters,
Mr. Herbs and Demon Dog
AKA Burbs and Bailey, Inc.
PS- We pooped in the refrigerator. Are you mad or are you amazed? We are inclined to think you are amazed.
As we’re sure many of you are aware (or at least we hope you are aware because if you are not, then there is most likely something seriously wrong with your head...) Christmas time is here. Yes, it is time for happiness and cheer, and oh, by gosh, by golly it's time for mistletoe and holly, tasty pheasants, Christmas presents, and countrysides covered with snow. Yes it is most definitely that time of year once again.
While tasty pheasants and countrysides covered with snow may not be something you have hopes of encountering this Christmas, we would like to make you on offer that just may soothe those pangs of sadness you are sure to be experiencing due to the before mentioned lack of tasty pheasant and snow to enjoy right this second. Presents. Move over baby Jesus, we all know Christmas is not about you anymore. It’s all about the presents. There is actually a motion to change the name of Christmas to Presentmas, that way people can truly understand what they are celebrating each year. But we digress. In keeping with the holiday spirit, it is customary to give gifts to people in your life. Yes, we know what you are thinking. For a holiday called Presentmas, why do I have to give gifts? Shouldn’t I simply sit back and graciously accept all the wonderful presents I am offered that I ever so deserve?! Yes, dear reader, we understand your pain, but it is a pain that is sadly unavoidable. We have been trying for years to find a way to receive gifts without actually having to give any so we can truly celebrate the day the way it is meant to be celebrated, but alas, it is not possible. Somehow, people have come to the conclusion that in order to receive presents one must give presents. We say bah humbug! to that. It pains us to admit, but this is the only way. We must swallow our grinchy pride. As we so dearly wish to receive many a bright colored package this year, we must give out many a gift in return.
This brings us to the reason for our longwinded message. What would you like for Christmas? We would say Presentmas as it so rightly deserves to be called, but we have surmised that the way to receive maximum amounts of presents is to be as politically correct as possible, that way, people from all realms of society, even the ones who (gasp) do not celebrate Presentmas, will give us giftys. Therefore, with as much joy and love as we can manage to pretend to have without passing out from the effort of appearing oh so kind and generous and not at all our natural green grinchy selves, what would you like to receive under your holiday tree on one December 25th 2009? If someone were to sing to you, on the twelfth day of the holiday season, some person gave to meeee: (what would you put here?). For example, one might say: Bring us a figgy pudding and bring it right now or it’s Christmas and I want everything. But if you could be specific, as in leaning more towards the figgy pudding than everything, we would greatly appreciate it.
Alright dear friend, this seems to be all we have to say at the moment. We do hope this letter of joy finds you well. We have been working hard all day to make your holidays more enjoyable. Yes, after waking up at twelve, we lounged around and thought about what you wanted for Christmas/Presentmas/Grinchmas before it became too much for our fragile minds to handle. Now we are currently napping and writing this letter to you. We are multi-taskers, yes we are!
With Lots of Licks,
Your Own Personal Grinchy Monsters,
Mr. Herbs and Demon Dog
AKA Burbs and Bailey, Inc.
PS- We pooped in the refrigerator. Are you mad or are you amazed? We are inclined to think you are amazed.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)